I Beautiful picture of my mother, edited by me.
My Mother
My mother has just recently passed away, losing her long 11 year battle of breast cancer. I’ve seen just about it all; from all the horrifying chemo side effects, to her radiation damages and other various problems along the way.
It was 1998, my parents were still married, and we were living in my home town of Mt Airy. My mother has told me this scary story many times, so much it’s embedded in my head. My mother was at our house in Mt. Airy, getting ready for bed. She changed into her favorite nightgown, the silky long purple one. She noticed a liquid of some sort coming from her right breast. She called my father into the room, Rick! Hurry!? He ran up the stairs not knowing what was going on but could tell form her tone in voice it was urgent. As my mother sat him down and told him about the fluid many things ran through their minds, another child and breast cancer was the two main ones. Knowing my mother’s family history with breast cancer they immediately made an appointment with the doctor. The doctors then proceeded to do many test, all coming back negative of cancer. They told her to wait about 6 months and come back for a follow up, she didn't’t settle for that. She made the doctors run more different test. Finally the results came back. My mother knew her body, she knew it was cancer and it was finally confirmed.
Her first round of chemo was terrible for her. She had an upside though; she had both breasted removed to be rid of the major part of the cancer. My mother was not a very large woman when it came to her breast, about a size A or B. She went into the surgery with a flat chest and a large belly; coming out was totally different. The large portion of her body had moved up! By taking the fatty tissue of her stomach they rebuilt her breast in to a very large amount; they were like mountains, two large all natural mountains! She then went on the chemo; she had three tubes coming out of each side of her body. They were there to drain fluids out of her body. The fluids were GROSS! It was red and a little yellow; you know what a popped pimple looks like with blood and puss, just imagine that but a lot more! My father and I had to measure it every night making sure she didn't’t have too much or too little coming out. Another side effect of the chemo was hair loss. When my mother’s head became as tender as a new born baby’s head she knew it was coming. One morning she woke up with hair on her pillow, so I got to run over to my best friend’s house and get their hair clippers! My mother had to prepare herself for getting shaved; she said I just need one glass of wine. She had that glass, and another, and then the whole bottle, after that she was prepared. I had a ball with it; I got to put so many designs in her hair. I started off with a smiley face, then proceeded to the Mohawk, then off it went! Every last hair was gone and it was so much fun. My mother started to become very weak after that and tired, finally after a long 5-6 months she went back to have a C.A.T. scan and it came back negative, the cancer was gone!
My parents ended up getting separated shortly after that, my dad moved back down by his parents on the Chesapeake Bay and my mother, sister and I moved to good old Frederick. In 2004 my mother was coming up on her 5 year mark of being cancer free, after going to doctors every 3-6 months a year of a checkup she was about to only go the normal once a year! It was about a month or so before her 5 year mark appointment, she was sitting at the computer desk, looking out the sliding glass door to her left, she put her left hand on her right shoulder neck area and felt a knot, fuck! she yelled. Not wanting to worry my sister or me she went to the doctors right away without telling us. They took some tests and yet again this evil thing called cancer was back. She came home later that night, and at the dinner table, my mother sitting across from my sister and myself sitter next to my mother, she told us the news. Since then she had been battling the cancer, never giving up. She was dating this man Frank; he took great care of her. From one of the 20 some odd chemo drugs she was on she had blisters all over her body, she had them on her feet, thus making her not able to walk, and she had them in her mouth, making it unbearable to eat much of anything. The blisters were horrific, remember those tube I helped drain, well let’s put it this way the blister were so painful to look at, I saw them once and couldn't’t look at them ever again. She was also on radiation at one point as well; this was burning her from the inside out. She had red areas on her body that were too painful to touch. The more she had the radiation the larger she red areas got. She was in so much pain, but never gave up her fight.
She went on disability eventually with everything going on, looking at her finances and seeing that disability cuts your pay she had to put the house on the market. It was my senior year and I was so worried that I would have to move in the middle of it, mind you she was moving to Luray, Virginia with her sister and brother-in-law and I would be living with my cousins in Warrenton, Virginia. The school year ended and I didn't’t have to move but in December of 2007 the house sold and off we went. My mother got a new doctor in Harrisonburg, closer to Luray. She started going on treatment with him for about 6 months, he then ran some tests and noticed the cancer wasn't’t getting any better, only worse. He took her off the treatment and basically told her that her time is near.
There were many things she wanted to do before her last breath came, she had always wanted to go on train rides with her grandson, go on a hot air balloon ride and take a cruise! In 2008 she did all of these. My mother, sister, nephew and I along with a few other people took a nice train ride through Walkersville. We took many pictures and had so much fun; there was even a clown who made balloons characters for everyone. My nephew got a red and yellow fishing rod with a blue fish on the end! My sister and I took my mom on a hot air balloon ride as well. We covered her eyes so she had no clue where we were going or what we were doing. While setting up for the ride they had a big loud fan and my mom, with her eyes covered, and asked what it was. Of course we tricked her and said think redneck. She was guessing tractor, lawn mower, and boat. When she opened her mind she was thrilled! We were up there for about an hour; the fall trees were beautiful; with all the oranges, reds, yellows and our shadow going across it all. We saw deer and a bunch of houses. She thoroughly enjoyed it. She went on a cruise with her boyfriend, Frank. They had a blast my mother and him saw some of the most beautiful things and enjoyed every moment they had on the ship and with each other.
Shortly after the cruise my mother went downhill dramatically. She started to have trouble doing the simple things in life. It began with her energy, she has always had energy and she lost it. She also started to have trouble walking. Soon she was put in hospices’ care and given a hospital bed. As each day passed, we all knew her time was getting closer. We threw as many parties for her as we could, because we’re a party kind of family. She started off using an electric scooter to get around, didn't’t stay up for long due to her weak and tiresome body. The times of her being up and around kept growing shorter and shorter until the day came she just stayed in her bed. She had trouble walking and when she did walk she had help from anywhere between 1-4 people depending on her strength. She fell a lot of the time even with help. My sister and I said our final good byes to her the weekend of January 17th 2009; we let her know she was okay, we were okay and she didn't’t have to fight anymore. We told her we loved her one last time. My sister left Saturday to go home; I stayed the whole weekend lying in bed with her or on the couch nest to her as much as I possibly could. Even with the little energy she had she always wrapped her arm around me, placing her hand over my heart holding my pointer finger.
I got the call saying she was gone when I was at work on the 22nd of January. Her boyfriend Frank had called me and let me know. I work in an elementary school and of course when I found out we were in the lunch room. I told the other teacher I work with I’d be back and walked as fast as I could back to our class. I immediately called my boyfriend, the tears started flowing like waterfalls the moment I heard his voice. He knew, I didn't’t need to tell him although I did somehow. Throughout all of this my mother has taught me to never give up and to always fight, have a strong spirit and always, always live your life to the fullest. All of this has helped me grow up faster than a lot of young adult my age, I’ve seen and gone through things some may never. I am a stronger person because of all of this. Although I miss my mother dearly, I know without all of this I wouldn't’t be who I am today and I wouldn't’t have the most beautiful angel guiding me through life.
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